Closing the door to “stuff”

Closing the door to “stuff”
June 30, 2009 Lainie Liberti

doors

Closing the door to “stuff”

Packing & backing up files, packing & backing up files, packing & backing up files, packing & backing up files, packing & backing up files.. 5:12 PM Jun 30th, 2009 via twhirl

So I can’t sleep, and today was the last day of living at  Andrea’s house, day spend packing, giving away the last of our daily possessions, packing up things to go into storage and cleaning up our tiny room we occupied for the last 3 months.

Yet somehow, there’s a finality that’s not spoken and it has nothing to do with our leaving. This finality is friendship based and I’m trying to process what it means.

Memories are swirling in my head of the last three months in Highland Park. Fish tacos, the ghetto birds, Henry’s forced crate incarceration, and a crowded house. My memories are bitter sweet and not at all what I expected.

The offer to stay at Andrea’s house was  convenient and I thought it would a great opportunity to share time with an old friend before leaving the country. I was grateful of her offer, and she was happy about all the stuff she got in exchange. We agreed to a trade, I’d give her lots of stuff and Miro, Henry and I would be her guest in her spare, upstairs bedroom. Miro will be able to finish 4th grade at Milagro, we could get a head start on adjusting to our “downsized life” and we’d be able to save money during those months. I really thought it would be  a win-win for everyone. I gave  Andrea my work-horse  apple g5 computer, 2-20 inch monitors, a color laser printer, 32 inch flat screen TV, networking and office supplies, more kitchen stuff, a  table for her deck with 4 brand new patio chairs, that, and much much more.

Stuff..

For me, the last six months has been a lesson in stuff and the last three months at Andrea’s this lesson was intensified. Getting rid of stuff, detaching to stuff, looking at what stuff I need, what stuff I didn’t, how stuff was so important in my life in the past and considering what my life was going to look like without stuff. Living with Andrea, I was able to see what stuff wasn’t to me, through her attachment to stuff.

I’m exhausted from packing, anxious to start out tomorrow, but am realizing now that my exhaustion may not be from the packing alone. I realize the energy of having so much stuff around me is draining and the knowing that my friendship with Andrea is over. So much clutter, so many things, a house without a fluid flow of energy, a house in excess of stuff. As I close my eyes, I see this, my last impression of our home for the last three months:

Her house is filled with stuff.

Her garage is filled with stuff.

Her yard is filled with stuff.

Her staircase is piled high with stuff.

Her closets are filled with stuff.

Her car is filled with stuff.

There is  stuff everywhere, stuffed in the corners stuffing into more stuff.

This experience is not very calming, not very fluid. A crowded and dusty house, filled with piles of stuff, stuff never used, stuff never admired, stuff never cleaned, yet somehow, stuff necessary for her existence. You may be reading this and thinking that I sound ungrateful of our time spent in her home.

On the contrary.

I am very grateful we had this opportunity. I am grateful for the insight to the energy of stuff.

I also am grateful for chance to so powerfully close the door of one of the chapters of my life.

Through this lesson of “stuff”, I am learning that when stuff no longer serves a purpose, you need to let it go.

I am also learning that when people in my life are no longer in the same flow, it’s time to honor that friendship and let it go too. I fear such is the case with  Andrea. I am leaving with the feeling that our friendship is over. After some inquiry tonight, she clearly expressed she didn’t want to talk about it and retreated downstairs.

….and back to packing I went.

I have known Andrea for roughly 18 years. At one point, she lived with my parents, dated one of my roommates, and was a bride’s maid in my wedding. I have known her before she was of legal age to drink and have seen her go through several emotional battles ranging from obsessive compulsive behavior to depression. I know her and I accept her.

I think, however, being this close, in her living space may have allowed me to see more of her than she was comfortable or maybe there were some unspoken boundaries crossed.  I just don’t know at this point. But one of the lessons I’ve learned  from Andrea and observing her inability to let go of stuff, whatever was bothering her, she was not willing to let go of either.

One door closes and another opens

Needless to say, I am releasing or letting go of any of that energy and saying goodbye. It’s OK to close one door and leave room for opening another. It may reopen one day with her…or may not. Either way, I am have so much gratitude for the friendship we shared over the years. It’s OK to say goodbye. That much I know….

….the evening continued, and one of my other friends came to help, say goodbye. So happy to see my twin instigator friend Heather, and send her packing with some parting gifts. She helped me clean the driveway, pack up several other things and the end of the evening, she walked out of the house with a my  CD music collection.  I managed to digitize all of my music and giving my music collection to a friend felt great. Drinks ensued, pirates bootie consumed. Miro participated.

Oye, White Cheddar Power got @miro7 down. He’s a white cheddar supremacist ask @heathervescent 8:58 PM Jun 30th, 2009 via twhirl

Brad showed up to lend a hand and brought with him a bottle of wine.. Yes, felt great to be in the presence of friends and excited to to finally to be free.

Yes, an exhausting day, and it seems that because we have committed to making drastic changes in our lives, all other areas of our lives are effected. Some doors close as new doors open and even some doors remain in their original position. Nevertheless, everything is changing and I’m perfectly ok with that.

Tomorrow is the  first day of our mini-adventure and I can’t wait to get started..

4 Comments

  1. Mgallardo68 13 years ago

    So agree with this article… stuff seems to be the most important thing for modern society, less useful as it became a stone in the path instead of a relief on our personal journey… I'm glad you let it go!

  2. Author
    ilainie 13 years ago

    Thanks! I wasn't easy, but the pain was part of the process.. One year later, I can say for certain, I don't miss a single “thing” about my old life. Thank you much for the comment.

  3. Mgallardo68 13 years ago

    So agree with this article… stuff seems to be the most important thing for modern society, less useful as it became a stone in the path instead of a relief on our personal journey… I’m glad you let it go!

  4. Author
    ilainie 13 years ago

    Thanks! I wasn’t easy, but the pain was part of the process.. One year later, I can say for certain, I don’t miss a single “thing” about my old life. Thank you much for the comment.

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