Name: Lainie, aka "ilainie"
Posts by ilainie:
What are the differences between “unschooling” and “worldschooling”?
The definition to both words are not unanimously agreed upon among the practitioners or communities involved. But here is my take on it:
A general definition of “unschooling” is to live as if school does not exist. There are deeper philosophies at the foundation of the unschooling movement that include supported self-directed learning as an outcome of natural learning, usually facilitated by the parent(s).
Some even incorporate the “child-led” philosophy into every aspect of the learners life, allowing complete freedom not just focused on learning, but within food choices, bedtimes and hygiene issues as well. They are known as “radical unschoolers”.
Others incorporate project based learning or other forms of formalized curriculum into the mix and consider themselves “relaxed” or “eclectic unschoolers”.
There is no one way to unschool. Unschooling is primarily about process not content. The process of learning, the process of knowing yourself, openness, confidence, self-determination, independent thinking, critical thinking….none of which one gets when following other people’s agenda. Making one’s own agenda is what it is all about. This is done not in isolation but in the context of ones family and community. ~Joel Hawthorne
From a post called So, what is unschooling, anyway? I write:
Unschooling is a term that the late John Holt coined in the late ‘70′s to describe learning that is based on a child’s interests and needs. Unschooling does not begin with a parent’s notion of what is important to learn and then turn the choices of how to learn the content over to a child. Rather, it begins with the child’s natural curiosity and expands from there. Unschooling is not “instruction free” learning. If a child wants to learn to read, an unschooling parent may offer instruction by providing help with decoding, reading to the child, and giving the child ample opportunity to encounter words. If the child is uninterested in these supports, the parent backs off until the child asks for help. The most important thing about the unschooling process is that the child is in charge of the learning, not the adult. Unschoolers often do no traditional school work, yet they do learn traditional subject matter. They learn it as a natural extension of exploring their own personal interests.
We have just started our sixth year of traveling and unschooling combined and we’ve transitioned into calling ourselves “worldschoolers”.
Because as self directed learners who travel, there is just a little more to our learning experiences.
We believe once you combine travel and unschooling, we can’t help but to learn from the world around us, amplified through travel. In simple terms, the world teaches.
It’s pretty natural from the standpoint of being an unschooling parent, allowing the environment to guide our learning experiences. Yes, as a ‘parent and child’ who share the world, I have become an unschooled-learner too. But I have made a pretty keen observation recently: Learning happens without the formality of “teaching”, whether a family is unschooling or not. What I mean is that a child develops his (or her) inner-most-core through examples, experiences and the observations of the world around them.
For us, travel has become the expression of that freedom.
Since learning happens naturally, the freedom to be exposed to new interests through travel has literally transformed the world into an interactive classroom for us. We find ourselves stimulated with the newness of our daily surroundings. We have no problems being inspired to try new things and even step out of our comfort zones, deep into the unknown.
But it’s not just about adventure, thrill seeking or superficial travel experiences.
We’ve genuinely been inspired research beyond each experience with a deep desire to know (learn) more .
I am certain Miro’s interest permaculture likely would not have blossomed from our old urban homestead in downtown Los Angeles as easily as it has here, visiting indigenous farms and volunteering in Latin America. Equally, my newly developed deep passion for ancient cultures would not have developed had I not had the opportunity to visit all of the wonderful archeological sites we’ve encountered from Mexico to Peru.
Quite literally, the world has been transformed into a classroom.
What is Worldschooling?
Miro and I and define the meaning of “worldschooling” in this way:
My son and I practice principles of self directed learning known as unschooling….with one clear addition: learning from ideas we are exposed to as a result of our travel experiences.
What does worldschooling look like for us?
Miro and I are self proclaimed “radical unschoolers”, as we move through our learning and traveling journey together. Miro guides his learning through his interests and makes his own decisions about how and what to peruse. And I support him along the way.
Since we’ve been living a “travel lifestyle”, those exposures tend to be daily experiences. In other words, by virtue of being in the world, we are exposed to things, ideas, cultures, environments, history and experiences that may have not been guided by either of our interests, rather guided by travel itself.
We see this as an opportunity to research deeper and investigate wider to place context into our experiences. It’s immersive learning, not necessarily driven by interest, rather driven by experience.
I am the admin of a worldschooling group on facebook, all members are interested in worldschooling in some form or another. Education through travel is our common thread, but even among the 700+ members, we tend to define the term worldschooling differently. Some refer to worldschooling as the act of “unschooling” during travel, while others call themselves worldschoolers as expats who enroll their children in local schools throughout the world.
In my opinion, there is no wrong or right way to apply any of the “unschooling” or “worldschooling” terminology. I believe each family needs to breathe their own meaning into what works for them.
Miro and I recently relocated to Montañita, a quaint little beach town on Ecuador’s coast as we prepare for our newest Project World School retreat. I’m a huge fan of living on the coast, but our real goal for moving here for the next six months is to plan, prepare, explore and discover the beauty this region has to offer, in hopes of sharing these experience during our teen surf & marine biology retreat next April. That being said, we were excited to discover a truly unique cultural and historical destination just an hour outside of Montañita.
Miro and I took a a day trip to Agua Blanca community found in the Machalilla Parish, which is part of the nature reserve. The Agua Blanca community is a vividly painted rural parish and fishing village in the beautiful Machalilla National Park. The village is the site of several not so well-preserved archaeological ruins from the Mantena culture of around 800 to 1532 A.C. It’s a functioning indigenous village that has colonial ties, and very interesting to see. Most tourist visit Aguas Blanca for its therapeutic mud and sulfur water pool, said to have many medicinal healing effects.
The History of the Agua Blanca Community
The location of the present-day Agua Blanca community is considered to be the ancient capital of the Manteno Lordship of Salangome. Here, more than 3,500 years ago, thousands of people lived in this area, mostly working on the sea-trade routs from Mexico to Peru. The site of the Agua Blanca community is considered to be the largest of the four Manteno Lordships that existed here. Manteno culture is the last pre-Columbian civilization in Ecuador.
Manteno settlements are known by their large stone foundations and typical pottery. At Agua Blanca, researchers have found U-shaped stone chairs that have humans and animals carved into the bases. Some researchers believe these figures represent shamanistic significance. Others hypothesize the chairs may have been used to distinguish positions of power. Also large intact pottery urns have been found containing the bones of the deceased community members that have been dressed in finery and jewels.
About the Day Trip and Activities
We took a bus to the Puerto Lopez from Montanita, about a 45 minute bus ride. Once we arrived in Pto. Lopez, we found a taxi who took directly to the village for $5. Also, we had to pay $5 per person entrance fee to Machalilla Park . This fee includes our entrance to all attractions and a guided tour around through the township and land.
The local archaeological sites and museum are a highlight to the visit. This day trip can be comfortably planned either from Guayaquil, as long as there is an early start. The Museo de Agua Blanca: Arqueologia is open from 9 am to 5 pm everyday.
Once we arrived at the parish, we toured the museum, containing artifacts from the immediate area, spanning thousands of years. Afterwards we were guided through the township sites, seeing the location the intact urns were uncovered after a heavy rainfall, ruins of temples, houses and squares, the farm land with indigenous plant, trees and flowers and finally the thermal water lagoons. The famous lagoon of sulfur water in the Valley of the Rio Buena Vista is generated from volcanoes, and is believed to have healing properties for the skin. The valley is a birdwatchers’ paradise, a place to spot motmots and horneros among others.
The hike through the township took us an hour and half, allowing us to get a glimpse into the daily lives of the locals. About 52 families live in the community today and many of them are tourist guides.
Our hike ended up at the thermal baths, where we were offered a message with palo santo oil (which is related to Frankincense), a cup of healing mud to rub over our skin and a dip into the natural mineral pools.
The community also has camping areas and cabins with single, double or triple rooms for visitors who want to stay overnight. There is no hot water there, but there are restaurants for meals and you can also choose to eat with a local family for a more intimate experience of the community.
“Never mistake motion for action.”
Things have been in motion, but I have not taken much action. Rather I have not written about the motion taking place in my life, writing being the main action that has been quieted as of late.
The last personal post I wrote was back in May entitled “We were robbed.”.
(Yikes!!! That’s a long time.)
Although I admit, that experience took the wind from my sails, like a ferocious punch to my gut, but by the time I wrote the post, I was already healing from that trauma.
But, that was not the reason I haven’t written in so long.
Much of my focus for much of May, June into July had been on Project World School‘s details, marketing, planning, connections and such. That took a great deal of my attention (and Miro’s too). But that too, wasn’t the reason I hadn’t written in so long.
Then, for the month of June, Mr.TakeAChanceWithMe visited us from Ecuador. We had a truly incredible time together, getting to know each other better and enjoying each other’s company while sharing my favorite sites of Cusco. There is much I can share about that too, but I haven’t shared anything since I haven’t written since May.
But quite honestly, that wasn’t the reason I haven’t written in so long either.
Then for the first two weeks of July, Miro and I found ourselves hip deep in finalizing details, scheduling with locals, making final travel arrangements for the retreat which started mid-July.
But even those last minute details did not prevent me from writing.
From mid July to early August, the Project World School maiden retreat happened, not a single detail out of place, everything running like clock work, experiences flowing from day to day, proof of our teamwork (thank you Miro & Lorene!), acute attention to detail, applied creativity and a whole lot of vision and foresight.
We did spend a month experiencing a learning community with some incredible teenagers, being immersed deep in Peru’s rich Andean culture and ultimately living one of our dreams.
Even that is not the reason we have not written in so long.
Then the month of August, we were focused on closing down our house in Cusco, selling or giving away the possessions we managed to accumulate over the past 2 years. We had yard sales, online sales and gifting sessions. Eventually, we emptied out the house full of things, arranged the transfer of everything large including a washing machine, bunk beds, sofas to everything small including cooking utensils, plates, pots and pans.
We found a new home for our adopted kitty Sombra (and I shed too many tears saying my final farewells to her).
Miro and I said goodbye to the friends we made and released a few other friendships we realized were toxic. We emotionally closed our time in Cusco with a feeling of euphoria and finality.
But that was not the reason we haven’t written in so long either.
“Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.”
Was it writer’s block?
In all honestly, I haven’t been too busy to write.
From May to September, I’ve had time to watch movies, interact with friends on facebook, take long naps, play cards with Miro, sit in cafes, visit with friends, go on hikes, talk on skype, roam through the markets, and much more.
Why haven’t I written in so long?
I simply wasn’t inspired to do so.
Life continues to flow like a river, blockages happen, sometimes the force carries us away. But being a writer requires time, energy and effort to sit back and reflect. I wasn’t ready to be the observer of my own life, I was too busy being in the “now” with all of it, being connected to it and being connected to Miro.
I hope you, our readers, supporters and our community will forgive our absence. We value our community dearly. I’ve already started on many new posts about the retreat, our move and the future plans soon to follow.
We missed you all!
I am lucky enough to live in magical land with deep roots to the past: Peru. Here, like in many other so-called “third world” countries, much of daily life involves traditional ways of subsistence that have long ago died out or become “hobbies” in the developed world. Hanging out with the locals in Peru means touching the distant past in the present moment, and also offers a glimpse of what a sustainable future for all may look like.
The Sacred Valley around the city of Cusco, where I live and run a World Schooling Project with my 15 year old son Miro, is home to dozens of indigenous villages that still produce their own food and clothing in ways that have remained relatively unchanged since before the arrival of Europeans on this soil. Although traditional Peruvian food is excellent – Peru actually just won the “Best Culinary Destination” award for the second year in a row – it is the abundance of intricately patterned alpaca and wool clothing and textiles that really wow you when you visit Cusco. Truly, if someone you know vacations here and does not bring you back a hand-made scarf or hat you should definitely take it personally.
After months of buying these beautiful items for ourselves and showing visiting friends and family members around the many markets that specialize in them, Miro and I were invited to visit one of the local places where weaving is a way of life. Chinchero, which sits several hundred meters higher up than Cusco on the chilly wind-swept plains above the Sacred Valley, is a Quechua speaking village of about 20,000 where the ancient art of textile making is central feature of daily life. In fact, many of the most elaborate and colorful woven items in the markets of Cusco are made in Chinchero, and the village’s work makes up a high percentage of the displays at Cusco’s Center of Traditional Textiles.
Miro and I spent the day with a Chinchero family, sitting on the ground and joining them in their daily ritual of weaving on traditional looms and spinning the natural raw wool into thread. Weaving in Chinchero is primarily women’s work, and the art of creating the complex patterns that typify Chinchero craftwork is passed down from mother to daughter in chains that stretch back into misty times without historical record. Sitting there with them, learning from them, mother and son, I felt honored to be included in something so basic and beautiful, yet so rare in the modern world.
Miro picked up the art faster than I did, and you can read more about our day here on our blog Raising Miro on the Road of Life, as weaving is done by men as well as women in Chinchero. In fact, the money made by these families off of their weaving (usually less than $10 a day) is what is helping to keep their traditional lifestyle alive. Our Chinchero family was mostly self-sufficient, besides raising the sheep which provide the wool, they also grow potatoes which provide sustenance and an additional source of income in the local food markets if need be.
Traditional family farming survives in Chinchero, which grows quinoa and barley as well as potatoes, because of the tourist market for handmade textiles. And the family farming allows Chinchero to devote their time to their craft – the two weave together to mutually support a lifestyle that is at once sustainable and deeply traditional. The prevalence of family farming in turn means that the Cusco area, and most of Peru for that matter, is awash with an incredibly diverse array of fresh produce, which is why the food is so good here. Its also dirt cheap, as you are buying directly from the farmer – seriously, check out what $20 US gets you in the Cusco Market.
I understand that Withlocals runs similar programs in Asia, including an opportunity to learn traditional seasonal farming with hill tribes in Thailand and the opportunity to live like a local in Nepal. These experiences are incredibly valuable, as in most cases there is much more than just a cultural exchange going on, you are actually experiencing what a time-honored and sustainable culture feels like – and it usually feels much happier than ours.
Families on the Move
We have been blessed to connect with many amazing families online, all of whom have adapted a travel lifestyle in one form or another. We wanted to take the opportunity to introduce you to them here and highlight the positive aspects travel has had on their families. Welcome our interview series called Families on the Move. Miro & I are honored to a part of this global community we consider our extended family.
Meet The Amazing Family Behind Wagoners Abroad
Could you tell us a little about your family.
We are Wagoners Abroad, a family of 4 that left the rat race in search of a more fulfilling, higher quality of family life. Guess what? We found it in Spain!
I am Heidi, Mom travel planner, Budget Guru and Maker of Experiences.
My husband Alan is the fun guy that seeks adventure and is the humorous practical joker in the family.
Lars just turned 12 and he is our creative perfectionist, with a never ending thirst for knowledge and experiences.
Then we have Anya who is 9. She is our free spirit, adrenaline junkie that helps the rest of us get our of our shells and enjoy life to the fullest. Anya and her brother get up to mischief together and are as thick as thieves.
Where are you now, where have you been and how long have you been traveling?
We have been living in Almuñécar (Southern Spain) for 20 months and we have just 2 months left before we move on to new and exciting travel for a year. We do have rough plans to return to Spain in the Summer of 2015, but we will let the future just play out as it may.
Why do you travel as a family?
Oh this is a tough one to narrow down. The main reason we travel is to connect with other people and cultures. We seek experiences and diversity to help mold us into global citizens. It is important to realize that we are all just people, with similarities and differences that should be observed, embraced and not judged. We hope to inspire other people to think out side of the box and travel more (even in their own country).
What inspired you and your family to incorporate travel into your lifestyle?
Over 20 years ago, I lived in Tijuana Mexico and crossed the border everyday to go to work in the US. Later I backpacked Mexico and Central America for 6 months and have never been able to shake that travel bug. When Alan and I married in 1997, we moved to London, England for nearly 3 years, and of course did loads of travel.
For us travel is just part of life and has helped us mature, grow and become who we are. We wanted that experience for our children, so they would understand that the world is theirs. Nothing is too far or out of reach. If they want a dream to come true, they need to work hard and make it happen.
How do you address education while you are traveling?
The kids have been attending public school in Spain for full language immersion. We also supplement at home with English, reading and some extra activities. They naturally learn while we travel as well, so that is really the best for us. They are sponges ready to soak up knowledge and travel helps them not only see history, but experience it.
How do you and your family experience being global citizens?
We do our best to meet the local people, eat where they eat (most of the time) and take time to absorb the culture. We usually read up on a place prior to visiting and each family member states what they would like to see, do or experience in that location. This is how we get the kids involved in research and we all get to experience something we may not have otherwise selected.
Can you share one of your family’s most memorable experiences?
We have so many, but I would say one of our most memorable was in Castril, Spain. We were spending a few days staying in a Cave House. Yes, a cave! We were the Flintstones for a long weekend and it was great.
We ventured out around the countryside during the day and were heading towards the small town of Castril, to check out their local Friday Market. We arrived and noticed the main street was blocked off and this had us thinking it was some special market. We walked into the town center and asked about the market and instead we were informed the running of the bulls was going to begin in 30 minutes. Running of the Bulls!
How in the heck did we get so lucky? We climbed up the makeshift scaffolding and for the next 2 hours were one of a very few tourists to witness this annual tradition. I asked the older lady next to me how many years this has taken place. Her reply was “As long as time exists, my grandfathers grandfather…”. Wow!
Can you share one story from your travel experiences when you and your family had an ‘aha moment’
We have always traveled and most often it was a one or two week vacation from work. We were at the point where that just wasn’t enough for us and we were plotting and planning on how to extend our time away. We had planned to use 2 weeks vacation from one calendar year and 1 week from the next year, and head off to Peru. I was looking at costs and finances and then realized, it may be cheaper to just go live somewhere.
Then the real “ah ha” came. If we weren’t working we could take a year or two and really immerse ourselves into the culture. That was a big leap in thinking and the best “Ah ha!” moment in our lives. We could make it happen all on our own!
That is when Peru quickly turned into moving to Spain. We felt we could expose the family to more diversity, languages and culture in Europe. We still need to get to Peru, as that is still a dream.
The next “ah ha” was that we can make this open ended and that we don’t need to have plans to return to the US quite yet. If we continue to live our lives simply, we can make this last a while. It is a great feeling to not only have a dream, but to make it a reality. The funny thing is, it is easy to do if it is your priority.
Ah what next? Well, we have changed our plans a bit from 1-2 years in Spain and return to the USA, to an open ended journey. We will be leaving Spain at the end of June 2014 and we’ll be roaming a bit more of Europe for the month of July. Late July we will fly to Bangkok and spend a year exploring and experiencing Southeast Asia. We do plan to return to Spain the following summer, but are very open to letting our plans just evolve and see where we end up.
We were robbed.
We all travel through our lives with a constructed reality held together by beliefs, in which our perception of the the world becomes our paradigm to experience reality. Our lives are experienced in relation to the foundational beliefs we have in place. Everything is a relative to something else and those beliefs for many of us are so inflexible, we believe they are the ultimate reality. And I have argued more than once, there are no ultimate truths greater than our own perception.
We were robbed.
One of those beliefs set at the foundation of my reality is the belief “the world is a safe place.”
We were robbed.
I have worked hard to create my experience of the world based on perceptual reality filled with freedom, joy and trust. I have consciously given up beliefs rooted in fear. I have expressed liberty in my life and taught those experiences to my son.
We were robbed.
And still, with the strength of being, I was deeply effected, like a stick thrown into the spoke of a bicycle wheel I was thrown off, reeling into the air, landing on my ass with a giant thump.
We were robbed.
I had Miro move his bed into my room next to mine. For a week I did not get out of bed. I sobbed, cycled through so many thoughts, so many feelings, so many perceptions about the world around me. I withdrew, retreated and hid. I lost that sparkle in my eyes and feel like it still hasn’t completely returned.
We were robbed.
Logically there’s much to be grateful for. The stuff that was taken was not substantial. The stuff can be replaced.
We were not hurt.
Saturday evening I had returned home from spending the entire day with 3 sets of families that were visiting Cusco. I had arranged a family despacho ceremony for the group and we had an incredible afternoon exploring the wooded forest above Cusco, exploring the site of a few ancient ruins, climbing over boulders and exploring caverns. Cesar sat with the parents for a couple of hours sharing his knowledge of the sacred sites, the old traditions and wisdom about the Andean mysticism as the children played in and around the river, the Incas once used to cleanse before entering the sacred site of Saqsaywaman. Then, after a couple of hours, as a group we all settled into the beautiful despacho ceremony honoring mother earth. (I wrote about the ceremony here.) I took wonderful photos of the ceremony.
Returning home I was exhausted and elated at the same time. I made dinner and although Miro and I had agreed to meet the families to see a movie later that night, Miro decided he didn’t want to see the kids film they were showing and would rather stay in.
Personally, I was content staying in and sorting through the photos of that day.
As I do every night before, I hang my purse on the edge of the kitchen chair, containing wallet, ID, keys and everything. Normally I place my camera on the shelf by the door in the kitchen.
But this night, I took my purse and camera upstairs with me to my bedroom as I decided I preferred to get into bed and sort through the days photos.
The reason I grabbed my purse too? I don’t know, because I never do that. Then around 10:00 pm, I drifted off to sleep, entered a dream state of bliss…
We were robbed.
Miro has been empowered for a long time to make his own choices. He wasn’t interested in going to the despacho ceremony with me and the other families, and has attended a couple other ceremonies in the past already.
None of the kids were his age and he just preferred to skip it.
OK – Teen independence. I’m fine with that.
Miro is empowered to choose what time he wants to go to sleep and when he wants to wake up. Although many times I wish he’d make other choices, I will never force him to choose something different in order to please me.
Recently, I have been accustomed to hearing the sounds of Miro’s excited voice coming through his room playing games, talking via skype late into the night. Sometimes I hear him playing straight through into the morning. I feel strongly, he has the ability to make his own choices about his life and as long as he takes care of his obligations to his business, shows up for any joint plans we both commit to, he’s fine with that.
I am a light sleeper, and usually wake up very easily.
Early Sunday morning, I woke up to sound of footsteps in the hallway. The hardwood floors creak. It didn’t sound normal but I rationalized in my sleepy state, Miro must still be awake, needed to go to the bathroom and was walking around just a bit.
The sounds woke me up and I found myself staring out into the dark, listening through my eyes..
Then slowly, my door started to open… I stared wide-eyed at the door, and said in a hushed morning voice, “Miro, what are you doing? Is everything ok?”
Then, quietly and intentionally, the door shut ….
….more walking around upstairs…more creaking on the wooden floor boards…
…then a few moments later, the door quietly opened again. Once more I spoke, “Miro, what are you doing? Are you ok?”
Again the door gently shut. Then after a few minutes, the creaking floor noises stopped…
Then the dogs barked. “The dogs must have seen a rat,” I thought…
Then, a brief glance at the clock, 5:10, then a quick trip to bathroom, then back into bed. I quickly drifted back to sleep for a few more hours.
My eyes opened at 9:30 Sunday morning, feeling a little restless, but ready for the day. I turned on my laptop and was immediately messaged by a friend and stared chatting. We chatted for an hour and at 10:30 I finally got up out of bed.
I grabbed my computer and headed downstairs, ready to make some coffee.
Miro’s bedroom door was open so I went in. I said, “Miro, hey, you must have been sleep walking last night.. are you ok?” ….. He just looked at me with that sleepy grin and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about,” then threw a pillow over his head and rolled over in the opposite direction. I walked down the stairs and saw the front door was open, propped open by a rock.
I was confused.
Then I noticed the back door was open too, leading the outdoor laundry area. Both doors were left wide open. I was sure I didn’t leave them open. Then, I looked into the kitchen, the balon of gas was missing… it hit me, I realized in that moment…..
WE WERE ROBBED.
I started screaming.
Miro yelled down. “What’s wrong Mom?” I yelled back “We were robbed!” Miro yelled back, “my computers are gone!”.
“Oh fuck!” I screamed, then I went outside to the front of our house and and let out a shriek. I screamed and screamed and screamed…
In that moment, I realized the footsteps I heard were that of the robbers.
In that moment, I realized they were the ones opening up my door.
In that moment, I realized they were in Miro’s room, inches away from my son’s head.
With that thought, I started to sob. I started to uncontrollably sob. I realized they could have hurt my child. I felt disgusted, I felt like a violated, I felt guilty and I felt powerless. But the most terrible feeling was, I felt like a failure. It was my job to protect my son and I failed.
We were robbed.
I have never been robbed. I have never had any experience like this.
I could handle the material loss, which was minimal. We lost a couple of personal items, 2 backpacks, our gas for cooking, and 2 computers, computer cases, our kindle, a hard drive… I knew we could replace those things.. But I had no idea how to deal with the emotional loss, the deep feeling of violation.
I sobbed on and off for almost 2 days straight, with no consoling. Was it fear I was feeling? No. I didn’t think so. Was I afraid they would come back? No. I was sure they wouldn’t. It is hard to define the emotion sourcing through my soul…. It was a release, an acknowledgment that my paradigm had shifted, what I knew to be my truth was no longer true.
I asked Miro to move into my room with me. He did.
We laid on our mattresses watching movies on my computer for days. I didn’t want to go outside. I didn’t want to be in the world. I had no appetite and no desire to do anything at all.
An endless stream of movies played, but I wasn’t really there. My eyes, mostly glazed over out of focus as my head pointed in the direction of the movies. We watched four or five movies every day but I was just checked out. I withdrew into a place that only existed in my head…
Then around the fourth day, I started to wake up. In my mind, I started to replay that morning from the moment I heard the footsteps and the moment head, suddenly becoming “wonder woman”.
In my mind, the events played out very differently. I woke up, already with my magical red patent bad-ass boots on my feet and a golden lasso around my waist.
In my mind, I opened the door and round house kicked the fuckers in the face. I felt the surge of anger transform into a golden ball of steel power travel up my spine, across my shoulder blade then thrust down my arm. Then in my mind, that power-ball serged out the palm of my hand with such force, reeling into the beady eyed robber’s bodies. They would fly across the hallway opposite my bedroom door.
The incredible force would stun their bodies as they’d hit the wall behind them and be rendered unconscious, a single dribble of blood oozing from the corner of their mouth.
Then I felt the satisfaction of hurting them.
And as my mind observed this day dream and realized I was utterly disappointed in myself and the things I was feeling.
I was supposed to feel compassion. But in the privacy of my mind, I imagined revenge. I wanted nothing more than to hurt these faceless people with a vengeance.
These people who didn’t hurt us physically. These people who could have hurt us, were so close to my sleeping son. There was something truly to be grateful. These vengeful thoughts were simply not me. But they were there, nonetheless. I tried to consciously not identifying with them. I wanted to think I am more evolved than that.
But I guess I am not.
And then, more crying…
Being robbed effected me deeply.… There are moments I see the gift in this. But I realize that I am not that pillar of strength regardless of what others think… I hear the words of reason spoken from those around, in attempt to comfort me. But I’m reeling from the perceptual changes in both my outer and inner worlds. My constructed reality has ultimately shifted. My paradigm framing how I used to see the world is skewed. Everything is shaken up, upside-down, backwards, not right…
We were robbed.
It just might be a good thing after all.
Not just “things” were taken from us, but the very ground I walk on now is once again anew.