Love on the Road – What’s the point?

Love on the Road – What’s the point?
March 13, 2011 Lainie Liberti

“What’s the point?”

…I hear myself say in response to a friend who calls me on it. I have known this friend for only three weeks, but she seems to understand my defenses, and challenges my words.

The question she asked me was, “why don’t you pursue it?

My automatic response was, “What’s the point?” And in that moment, I actually believed there was none.

All experiences, whether perceived good or bad, painful or joyful create the mosaic of who we are. I’ve written about friendships on the road, all which ultimately lead to goodbyes. Just a part of all of it and the general culture of a traveler.

Generally we feel purpose in our travels, connecting with the amazing people who’s paths cross our own, each experience leading to learning, growing, creating and loving. As humans, we thrive on these connections, and they make what we do, make sense. And for the most part, Miro and I have shared experiences, which is pretty amazing.

What about love?

I notice that life on the road has some distinct differences than those living a location-stationary lives. But first, yes, I am a single mom, in my 40’s. I suppose that has a set of ‘ideas’ surrounding that life situation by itself. But I want to side step my ‘single-ness’ and my over ’40ness’ and for a moment and talk about life as a nomad, my life as a traveler within the context of love.

Life as a traveler

Our circle of friends are not constant, and our connections with friends and family whom have been in our lives for a number of years are reduced to digital appointments, via email or skype. It’s very different than connecting with my friends the way I used to, playfully challenging each other as we share what’s happening in our lives, as we pour another glass of wine. Those are some of the moments I miss, that can’t be duplicated over skype or emails. However, in our travels, I can honestly say, I’ve had similar experiences with strangers, or friends we’ve known only a short time, and I do absolutely cherish the moments.

Let’s get back to the original question, what about love?

I love my son.
Of course, I love my son to pieces.
I love humanity.
I love life.
I love almost every experience we have and am so grateful for whatever life offers us.

But, what about that other kind of love?

Oh, that.

Love, defined by The Merriam-Webster dictionary online: (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2): attraction based on sexual desire, affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests..

Not sure that’s how I would have described the feeling of love, but we all know what it is, when we are in it. But I do notice, there is nothing in the definition about a proper time frame. There is nothing in the definition about how you find love. And there is nothing in the definition about what it means to each one of us.

Yes, no doubt, I am human. My last long term relationship ended in 2006. Pathetic, right? That’s not implying I haven’t dated a few men along the way, even a couple for several months, but the last significant relationship was over five years ago!

I have to say, living a stationary life, a more conventional life, as a single woman, it is definitely a bit easier to date. It’s a bit easier to establish a relationship with a permanent address. It’s a bit easier to nurture, gage and grow a new relationship. It’s a bit easier to take my time. It’s a bit easier to arrange a babysitter and go out on a ‘date’. And in general, it’s a bit easier because there’s the belief that if this one doesn’t work, some one else may come along and there’s all the time in the world to see how the next one might go.

But not when you are traveling.

Not when you are living on the road.

I am not talking about sex here.

I am talking about love.

We tend to think of love being expressed as relationships, so I wonder why in all of my experiences, relationships are temporary.

Relationships ARE temporary for the most part, even the long term ones eventually come to an end. Even the ones that are long – long – long term, even the ones that end with death, do, indeed come to an end, therefore, they are  temporary.

However, what I described above about being single and living a traditional-stationary-life, also offers a state of temporary love expressed through relationships that from the most part, do come to an end. Only it feels different because in the traditional-stationary-life, one doesn’t have the perception of time constraints causing it not to feel temporary from the start. Interesting.

But does love have to be long term or permanent in order for it to be real?

Now I ask myself, where did we get the idea that love needed to be permanent?
(Just to be clear, I’m talking about love between a couple, here, not the love I have for my son.)

Where did I get the idea that love needed to promise me a future?

And where the hell did I get the idea that love wasn’t worth pursuing unless it was ‘long-term’?

As I look at these questions, I ask myself, doesn’t this challenge everything I’ve been practicing in regards to living in the ‘moment’?

So I get back to the original question ‘what about love?’

Yes, I value love.

Yes, I desire love in my life. Love coming in and love going out. I love, I send out love, I am compassionate and I send out compassion to all. Especially in wake of the recent earth changes, I have lots of love & support going out to my global brothers and sisters. But love coming in? It’s there, I know it, but not that kind of romantic love we are really talking about here, anyway.

Is this love?

But what happens when I meet a man, who in a matter of one glance, I wonder if he’s the one? My face becomes flush and I see in his eyes all possibilities even before I know his name. I am drawn to this man, and cannot deny how I feel when he walks into the room. I cannot deny the feelings I have when he looks at me, when he speaks to me and when we share time together chatting about our travels, sharing snippets of our lives.

And I smile and it feels good.

My friend asks me, “why don’t you pursue it?

And I reply with a teen-age-worthy smile that clearly didn’t match the rational behind my words,

what’s the point?

And then, he was gone.

The point was, it became a missed opportunity. I choose that. That was my auto-response mechanism at work, the very same one, I’m giving attention to now as I write this post.

This was a missed opportunity, that somehow my thoughts got the better of me. My rational mind that believed that love, or the possibility of love was measured or weighed by it’s potential longevity and since I could not foresee any lasting possibility, it was an opportunity missed.

I believe love is the essence of who we are. Sometimes in this crazy world, we meet someone else who reflects back perfectly who we are as an expression of that love.

I believe the point is love.

30 Comments

  1. Jennifer Miller 10 years ago

    Lovely Lainie… just lovely… and so true. I’m 18 years in with my Love… and in the last three years the landscape has changed so dramatically that I’d NEVER in a million years have predicted standing in this place… Love is… well… it’s love, and it finds us in the most unusual ways, grows entirely uninvited, and always changes our lives in ways we’d never expect. Love is the point. Live IN the moment with it. Regret nothing and just be OPEN to yourself and love where you find it. That’s been my life lesson this past while. nn”Love” the post! nn:)

  2. Jennifer Miller 10 years ago

    Lovely Lainie… just lovely… and so true. I’m 18 years in with my Love… and in the last three years the landscape has changed so dramatically that I’d NEVER in a million years have predicted standing in this place… Love is… well… it’s love, and it finds us in the most unusual ways, grows entirely uninvited, and always changes our lives in ways we’d never expect. Love is the point. Live IN the moment with it. Regret nothing and just be OPEN to yourself and love where you find it. That’s been my life lesson this past while. nn”Love” the post! nn:)

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      Thanks Jennifer. Love is the point, and I have to keep remembering that.. 🙂

      • Craig 10 years ago

        I don’t have any real deep thoughts on this because………they are not needed. I agree. Love is love and should be unconstrainable (new word). Longevity should have nothing to do with it. Lust or love, now that could be the only dilemma for some. We were created out of love, to love. So…..what’s the point? The point is the sharp end of something that is used to pierce, deflate even attach another object. Hearts, ego’s, relationships. Hhhmmmmm

        • Author
          ilainie 10 years ago

          Love is love.. that’s the perfection. Yes…

  3. Marilia 10 years ago

    Iu00b4ve been wonderign how you manage the love for a man on the road, so it was great to find this post. nnI have a bit of that mechanic response in like u00a8whatu00b4s the point?u00a8 being that it contains our pre-conditioned idea of love needing to last a given amount of time, which you explained so nicely that is bullshit. I have been wondering about quick love, as it might present, with no expectations and just living in the moment fully, how cool could that be?

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      I am so grateful you get it, Marillia.nnIt’s definitely a paradigm shift that has some deep deep thinking I need to combat. But at least I noticed it this time, and it bugged me. I think the more attention I give to those old patterns as they coming up, I think I’ll have a better chance of being present when love comes my way again. That is my wish for your too, Marillia!

  4. Jeannie 10 years ago

    I relate to this post a great deal, being in my late thirties. “What’s the point?” I’ve thought that a lot lately and felt dismal about it. Lately, I feel far, far away from love. Even though I feel love for my surroundings, my friends, family.. that idea of male/female love, I’m not sure anymore. It shouldn’t be hard to believe in that kind of love if I can in the other forms, right? Like your last sentence echoes: LOVE is the point. I adore how your way of expressing!

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      Jeannie, nThank you so much for your comment. Seriously, we women gotta support each other in so many ways and keep reminding each other to get out of our heads. I am so trying to be consistent with being in the moment and traveling has taught me so much about that, as I’m sure it has you. But in this aspect, I’m so over being guarded. The point is love, and all that comes with it. Please don’t give up on love.

  5. Max neumegen 10 years ago

    LOVEn”unconditional Absolute positive regard”nmy thinking of this meaning;nunconditional = is not based on any before or post conditions. accepting all.nAbsolute = is not dependent on time, history, past or future, true for any point in time.npositive = to the betterment of all. gratitude for the good, seeing the glass is half full.nregard = care, having a care, showing a care, giving a care. caring.nnyes maybe the the answer is simple.n”Love”

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      Yes Max! Wonderful. My brain knows it, my heart knows it and now, the ego just needs to tamed enough to experience it. Beautiful. Love. And I will always say “yes” to love.

  6. belinda 10 years ago

    Aaah luv, i love the sounds of it ,the fun it brings to mind but as a single parent, i just can’t escape the protectiveness and caution i feel, Do i date some man who i will never trust around my kid, ? love is such a wonderful memory but one i chose to put a side for now . I have travels to go on,, and a son to raise. Not that i don’ t look and appreciate a good man, and that look that a man can give you that fills one up,,yummm,, i liked how you mentioned that in your post ilaninie, in those moments we can feel like a woman and special , that we still have it !!n who knows, love may just surprise me one day

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      Belinda,nIt’s certainly one approach to being a parent. I understand being cautious, and careful. Frankly, I am not interested in being around a man I didn’t trust, nor would I have any interest of letting that kind of person around my son. However in regards to love, I don’t think I’m willing to put that aspect of my life aside for now. I am open to love, and why not? Shouldn’t we have it all?

  7. leilaontheroad 10 years ago

    It will happen – be open to it! And, it won’t be too long before it will happen to Miro too. Hugs

    • Author
      ilainie 10 years ago

      Oh my gosh, considering two hearts going through the ups and downs of love. Life is going to be a wild ride..

  8. Samee22 10 years ago

    LOVE is not ‘that’ which needs be given or taken. Rather, IT is THAT which needs be experienced. nnLOVE is not ‘that’ which can be contained or restrained by idea. Rather IT is THAT which transcends and surpasses all thought. I mean, truthfully, what can thought do with LOVE other than attempt at a provisional form and expression of a ‘something’ (like LOVE) which is simply experienced. If One is willing to arrest LOVE into such definitional properties, then One is also willing to confine LOVE to a staging of cognitive conditions.nnLOVE is not ‘that’ which can be created, for IT IS CREATION ITSELF. nn’That’ which belongs to EARTH, rushes toward the manifest, being drawn by gravity of loves. nnTHAT which belongs to HEAVEN rushes toward the unmanifest being drawn by the gravity of LOVE. nIs it any wonder that, at times, you sense you are being pulled in opposite directions?nn’That’ which decides a wo/man’s loves, is ‘that’ which pulls the veils between Self and the Divine.nnFor it is only when all of wo/man’s loves are eventually consumed by the fires of LOVE that s/he will be freed to experience a divinity participating in all that IS. Then, LOVE will simply be an UNDERSTANDING.nnAnd you’ll hear the whisper I AM THAT!nnSashya

  9. Laracosmicgirl 10 years ago

    Beautiful pondering ! Thank you

  10. Alisha Robertson 10 years ago

    “Forget love – I’d rather fall in Chocolate” Lol j/k. The art of love when it comes to more than platonic friendships on the road is always tricky. Just to not think so much, and be in the moment so there aren’t the missed opportunities to love…even if it’s momentarily.

  11. Alisha Robertson 10 years ago

    “Forget love – I’d rather fall in Chocolate” Lol j/k. The art of love when it comes to more than platonic friendships on the road is always tricky. Just to not think so much, and be in the moment so there aren’t the missed opportunities to love…even if it’s momentarily.

  12. Alyx22ster 10 years ago

    I think Its amazing to love , to know that one day Plain and simple you just know. Its PassionnThe trick is not to be attached.nWhen you have no attachment to the out comenand still love in the moment.nThen you are experiencing true Rumi love.nAs we wonder the world you will love many. The universe will attract exactly the love you need.nYou are doing a wonderful , amazing job at raising your sonnPlain and simple you are love and thats the point !

  13. HaveSonWillTravel 10 years ago

    Great post. Thanks for your insight on this….er….timeless topic. As I am at the beginning of my traveling journey with my son, I will keep all this in mind! :)u00a0ncheers,nHolly

  14. Lori 9 years ago

    LOVE this post.  You are an amazing writer…so open.  Beautiful.

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