This morning is about these things:
Strong morning coffee, cloudy sky above, cat purring on my lap and spacious-expansive time . Time to my thoughts. Time to pepper this blank page with whatever flows. Time to enjoy the silence of the morning.
Time to reflect. 1738 days ago, we said goodbye to our old life. 1738 days ago we stepped into the unknown.
But this beautiful morning I am NOT interested in recapping the events of the past 1738 days. I am interested in being present in the calmness of this morning, listening to the sounds of the Andean birds sing as they compete with the tap-tap-tap sounds my fingers are making as they press upon the familiar black keys of my laptop.
The words that flow are part of the reflection of now, not the past, not the future, but where I sit in this sacred space of now, the morning of the 1738 day since we left.
The first word, “realign”.
Realign-ing. The repeated process of aligning.
Life is about just that, and the past 1738 days has been an ongoing series of realignments. I am old enough to realize that this is a natural and welcome part of my life experience.
Realigning my relationships to everything.
I have observed many changes to my relationship with the outer world perceptions. Upon reflection, I have become more conscious of my internal workings. My realignment, in most cases, was an unconscious result of simply shifting my relationship to the outwardly circumstances. No more unconsciousness.
This morning, time to breathe consciousness into the realignment process.
The second word I must explore is “expectations”.
The process of gently letting go of expectations keeps me calm and present. Still, no matter how hard I try, expectations remain a source of pain in my life. Only they are not my expectations. I notice they are still present as the expectations of others.
And “expectations” seem to be in bed with their lover “judgement”.
Do I do it to others? I am sure I do.
But this morning, I reflect on how it feels to be the recipient of this powerful duo.
Ya, ya, ya…. I know, choosing a path less traveled invites unwanted judgement into my life.
But do I listen? Sometimes.
The sting of not living up to the expectations of certain family members, the sting of failed expectations that have transformed into harsh judgement still cause pain in my life.
I am letting that go.
You are not mine, anymore. You belong to someone else. You must pay rent to live in someone else’s consciousness. You are evicted from my mind.
Expectations & judgement, you and me….we are officially done.
Next, comes the word “clarity”.
I have no desires to work hard anymore. In fact, I have no desires to “work” at all. This does not make me lazy, irresponsible, or impractical.
This makes me clear.
I have reframed my relationship to work. Now, any and all “work” I perform is birthed from a place of passion. Instead of dedicating the majority of my hours focused on earning a living, I’ve chosen to focus on being present in my life and Miro’s. The clarity of practicing a passion driven life, has become my life’s work.
That totally reframed my once compulsive and obsessive relationship to work.
At one point in my life, I was so proud to answer this question “So, what do you do [for a living]?” My once badge of honor, wrapped up in my title, my achievements and met goals were the shining example of my successes. My identity was a clear-cut description and my ego always pulsated with pride.
I was what I did.
Now, I dare you to ask me the same question.
My answer will always be, “nothing”.
Nothing. That feels good, feels open to all possibilities, creating anything we desire in the moment, from passion and inspiration.
Finally, on the morning of the 1738 day since we left our old life, I reflect on the word “now”.
Now, I choose to spend my time living consciously, following my passions, supporting Miro’s journey and accessing inspiration. Now, I choose to focus practicing loving myself and everyone in my life more openly and freely. Now, I choose to let it all unfold as it will, trusting the process. Now, I choose to live consciously.
Now, I’m out of coffee.
100 Stories- 100 Days – Short Story #26
Love this. Thank you Lainie for sharing!!!! The piece on “clarity” really hit me hard. Beautiful!
What a wonderful website! I love this article as well. I love the saying “what you think about me is none of my business” – who cares what people think! Keep living the dream, your dream 🙂
All the best.