June 1st, 2009
I decided to give you another small taste of my book called Shaun, the Time Traveling Pizza Delivery Man.
Anyhoo, here it is. If you missed the prologue, jump over there now and read it before reading this:
By Miro Siegel
A large flash emanated through out the empty space.
“Where are we!?” Shaun gasped as he looked out the compressed glass window.
“How the hell should I know!? YOU’RE the one who pressed the button!”
Ed was angry, and would get
even angrier in a short amount of time.
“If I had to guess, I’d say we’re in space.” Shaun said.
“Ugh! You’re standing on my foot! God this is cramped!”
“Fine! While you’re at it get your elbow out of my ribs!”
Both of them retracted their limbs and huddled up in opposite corners
of the High-Tech Crap Box(tm).
“Wait, why don’t we just press the button again and go home?” Shaun
felt pretty smug with himself.
“It has a recharge time. By the time it recharges we’ll probably be
dead.” Ed pointed to the oxygen
At this moment, Shauns smug-ness dissipated into a small wave of fear.
Shaun looked out the window, hoping to spot something that could save them.
“Ow! My eyes!” Shaun guarded his sockets.
“Scanner! What did the scouter say about its value level?”
The Octopod holding the scouter then crushed his salty water mug.
“Cyclapod! It’s over 9000!!!”
Cyclapod then turns around and shoots the scout in the face.
“All mighty tuna. Some people are just too anoying. Take him away.”
A large cacophony of ‘YES SIRS’ echoed through the Octo Ship.
“You there! Pull that… Thing in here with a tentacle beam.”
The Octopod proceeded to do so.
The porta potty started to move, as if it were being pulled into something.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?” Shaun yelled as he noticed the giant
floating octopus-space ship-thing.
“It’s pulling us in! Brace yourself!”
The golden lined vessel started to fly faster and faster at this large octopus.
They were flying at what looked like a metal gate. As they were about
to crash into this ‘gate’, it
retracted, and revealed about 15 Octopods. They landed in the docking
bay, still peering out the
“Uh, are those octopi?” It looked as if Shauns jaw was about to fall
onto the floor.
Ed just looked. Not at the Octopods, but at the HTCB’s (High-Tech Crap
Box) Control panels.
There was a large red timer above the control panel. It was close to 50.
Cyclapod finally arrived at the docking bay.
“What are you nimrods waiting for!? OPEN THAT OBJECT!”
About 5 Octopods walked to the HTCB. One of the more dull ones opened its mouth.
“But sir! It says that it’s locked!”
Cyclapod pulled out his favorite weapon: The Trout Flavored Laser
Rifle. What he did next with it
was quite gory.
“I. DONT. CARE. Pry it open if you have to!”
As the Octopods started to bash the door down, Ed was fumbling over
the control panel. He didn’t
know what alot of the stuff did, but he thought that they might be
able to escape with his basic
Shaun had no clue what was happening, and soon came to a realization
that his death, will be a
painful, trout flavored one.
The Octopods started to get some leeway on the door and continued to
bash. They almost had it.
Meanwhile, the timer is nearing 15 seconds, and Ed seemed to be
frustrated and tired of waiting.
Very Impatient, Shaun thought to himself.
The door came down, and the Octopods, stared at the two humans.
“What are you staring at!?” Cyclapod screamed into his lacky’s ears.
He then stared himself. “What? Are you guys?”
Shaun looked at Ed, then the timer. He figured out what he was trying
to do. The timer read 3 seconds.
“We are out of here.” Shaun looked straight at Cycalpod.
Cyclapod wasn’t sure what Shaun was talking about, until the HTCB, and
the two inside vanished, into
Cyclapod turned red with anger. “MY TREASUREE!! AAAGHAGHA!!! YOU
IDIOTS CAN’T DO ANYTHING!!!”
“You, you, you, and you! Go track it’s location! You! Go get me a Pan
Galactic Gargle Blaster!
If I’m gonna get drunk it better feel like my brain’s being smashed
with a brick of gold with a
lemon slice wrapped around it!”
There was a flash, and then they were there. Where? There. No,
seriously, There was what the new
Pizza Co. Location was called.
“Man. I felt like I was in Hitchhikers Gui-” Shaun was cut off.
“You can’t say that. It’s copywrited.”
Shaun thought that maybe Ed was possesed or something, but then again
Ed always was eccentric.
“Anyway, it looks like Bill Gates kitchen. Where is this?” Shaun was
admiring the most High Tech
Pizza Kitchen he’s ever seen. For future reference, we’ll call it HTPK.
“This is YOUR new kitchen. This is where you’ll be crafting the most
Inter-Dimensional pies the
Time-Span continuam has ever seen.”
“Where’s my staff?” Shaun wondered. Half expecting a crew of robots to
pop out of the wall.
Ed Pointed to a remote, which Shaun proceeded to pick up and examine.
There were 4 buttons, Each with pictures of robots in chef hats. The
buttons read: Dough Roll,
Cook, Toppings, Packaging.
Shaun pressed all the buttons at once. First came a robot with a dough
roller for an arm. Then,
a robot with a flat surface for an arm, next came a bot with jars of
toppings strapped to it on
a conveyor belt. Finally, a normal robot with pinching arms.
“I half expected this.” Shaun mutters.
“You’ve got everything you need. Hyper-Speed Flame Warper, Which cooks
a pizza in 10 seconds flat,
a crew of specialised pie robots, and special cardboard boxes, which
are resistant to EVERYTHING.”
“What about delivery?”
“Thats you. Did you think you could sit here all day and press buttons?”
Shaun was silent. He was thinking to himself, that he just might enjoy this.
I hope you enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions or constructive criticism, feel free to leave them in the comments below!
Miro is a 15 year old worldschooler, and worn traveler, He learns through life and is a bold writer. Breaking toilets in Latin America since 2009.
June 1st, 2009
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July 15th, 2010