RESPONSE: HuffPo- The ‘Unschooling’ Movement
Good Parenting or UNparenting?
A rebuttal to a recent HuffPo Article
Rebuttal
In a recent Huffington Post article entitled The ‘Unschooling’ Movement: Good Parenting or Unparenting? the author Lorraine Devon Wilke makes judgements specifically about Dayna and Joe Martin’s approach to unschooling:
“Well, if you’re Dayna and Joe Martin, you throw out everything you’ve heard, reject all conventional wisdom and adopt a theory of parenting that’s a combination of “hippie free-for-all,” Home Alone (except the very permissive parents are actually in the house this time), and Children of the Corn.”
I hesitate to respond to an article that takes on a personal bashing of another family who has so graciously made their lives public and has contributed so much to the natural learning community. However, the nature of the Huffington Post article was so biased, I felt I needed to write this rebuttal. Lorraine Devon Wilke‘s article is a personal judgment without any first-hand experience of an unschooling family and the article employs several manipulative journalistic tactics that create a biased article, designed to elicit an emotional response from the reader.
After the quote above, Wilke quotes a CNN US article defining the term ‘unschooling’ and then goes on to say:
“Which means, in the case of the Martins, that Devin, Tiffany, Ivy and Orion can — with their parents’ enthusiastic permission — watch TV or play video games all day if they want. They can sleep until 2 p.m. and go to bed at 4 a.m., eat ice cream for every meal, or not eat at all. Chores? Don’t be silly! And the presumption is that they’ll learn something, somehow, along the way; don’t ask how, just believe that if they’re interested in something they’ll pursue it. If not, no big whoop.”
Wilke’s HuffPo article is a response to another article published a week ago, entitled ”I Let My Children Do Whatever They Want,“. In the first article Dayna provided an example of her family’s freedom of choice, which was not quoted in the HuffPo article:
“I’ve found giving kids the freedom of choice has worked out perfectly as they don’t tend to crave bad foods, because they can have them whenever they want.
“In fact, at the moment they are all going the other way. Devin is following the Paleo diet, which is about eating whole grains and grass-fed meat, as he had heard about it and wanted to give it a go to improve his fitness. And the girls are currently vegetarian.”
“Every week we all go to the supermarket together, but instead of having one trolley between us, we have one each. We give the kids $15 [Dh55] each, and they are free to choose what foods they want to spend their money on. If they want to spend it all on ice lollies they can. And one time, Orion did put a whole load of lollies in the trolley. But for the most part, the kids like to load up on fruit and they all love nuts.”
Instead Wilke implies that the Martin children will make the worst possible choice for themselves simply because they have the freedom to choose. I understand this kind of thinking, especially if you are of the mind set that one should be told what to do. If a person lives their entire life unconsciously and without fully feeling the joys of empowerment, this may be the reasonable deduction. But clearly, this is not the case within the Martin family.
Also in Wilke’s article, she does not share how a family of 6 manages and negotiates their days as a close family, in close proximity of one another. (That alone is talent, in my book.) Had Wilke done some unbiased investigation, she would have discovered the wonderfully enlightening tid-bits shared on Dayna’s blog and facebook pages about how an engaged family actually functions. Dayna often shares her personal experiences with each of her four children including how she actively facilitates her children’s interests through art activities, literature, cooking & nutrition (she’s a raw chef), crafts, outings, historical and political family investigations.
Does this sound like Children of the Corn, running amok?
Next Wilke replies to a quote in the article entitled “I Let My Children Do Whatever They Want,” in which Dayna and Joe Martin share their school experiences which has inspired an alternative choice for their children:
“So, she responds to her negative educational experiences by choosing “unschooling” for her own children. Is that fair? I don’t know. But I do think, based on my own experience, that children flourish, learn and grow when given responsibilities, guidance, boundaries and discipline. Do they not do as well without those things? Some, perhaps. The Martin’s children? She says they’re all doing fantastically. Let’s see how it’s going for them in 20 years. Maybe we’ll be shaking our heads in amazement; maybe they’ll be narcissistic, entitled head-cases. For now they’re apparently having an unfettered blast.”
First off, Lorraine Devon Wilke, I would argue it’s a fallacy to believe “that children flourish, learn and grow when given responsibilities, guidance, boundaries and discipline” as an absolute truth. Depending on the degree of application of each of these ‘attributes’, this sort of structure does not always promote an atmosphere in which a child is guaranteed to flourish. And even if you could guarantee your children will flourish in this sort of atmosphere, you couldn’t argue when children are flourishing in a different kind of home.
I would say from my personal experience of unschooling a teenager, that there’s no doubt that mine is flourishing in an atmosphere void of parent imposed responsibilities, manipulated guidance, arbitrary bounders and conventional discipline. In our case, the empowerment of freedom and self reliance has prompted my son to impose and live by his own set of personal standards including self-responsibilities, self-guidance, self-determined boundaries and self-discipline. And guess what? He’s not running amok either with absolutely no rebellion. From my perspective, that’s a complete success.
Then applying a manipulative journalistic technique, the author compares the unschooling philosophies to another form of extreme parenting, with the intent to elicit a negative emotional response within the reader. This sort of journalism is slanted whereby equalling the current topic with a perceived negative to guarantee a particular emotional reaction. Hopefully the readers of Wilke’s article will see through this tactic.
Lastly Wilke sums up the HuffPo article with this bit of advice:
My suggestion: balance. Find balance in the pendulum of parenting. Respect them, of course, but offer them firm, sensible discipline, compassionate boundaries, development of learned life skills, mentoring and teaching. Communicate openly and consistently. Infuse them with a sense of personal responsibility and integrity, and pass on big dollops of empathy, consideration, and honor. Do that… then let them have ice cream.
The implicaiton is that unschooling does not offer sensibility, compassion, boundaries, life skills, mentoring or teaching. I would argue, that’s the foundation of the life learning (unschooling).
Next, Wilke offers this bit of great advice: “Communicate openly and consistently.” I would suggest she takes her own advice and applies it to her journalistic writing as well.
Lastly Wilke offers the values to infuse into a child with a beatiful list.. I would remind Wilke, through interest-led learning, children are experiencing these things on their own, and instead of authority-top-down approach, natural learning becomes the most most powerful empowering experience a child can grow up with. Guaranteed, the Martin children will be happy holistic humans, and that is a sign of ultimate success in life, and good parenting.
About the Author:
Lainie and her son Miro are living a location independent lifestyle, slow traveling around the globe and living in the present moment. Lainie writes about staying inspired, participating as a global citizen, volunteering, unschooling and natural learning. Guiding their experiences is the empowered choice to experience in the world without fear.
Lainie Liberti – who has written 393 posts on Raising Miro on the Road of Life - Travel Podcast.
Thank you. The first words that came to mind after reading this. I don’t have children yet, but when I do, my husband and I have decided to be unschoolers. (We have to unschool ourselves a little bit first.) I know we’re going to have confrontations with people, and be the target of snap judgements; though likely on a smaller scale. I appreciate what you’re doing now, because it will help me in the future. Hopefully down the road, I’ll be publicly rebutting one-sided journalism with enthusiasm and practical knowledge; but for now, this pre-unschooler
appreciates having you on her side.
[Reply]
Wilke also states
“Interestingly, if you go to Google to investigate the pros and cons of “unschooling,” you will find some objective analysis, but mostly you’ll be bombarded with a gauntlet of opposing opinions, from “unschoolers” who defend the practice with everything in them to those who believe children are getting the short end of the stick on many levels.”
So her biased article attempts to set up the vision that unschoolers defending themselves against miseducated attacks are somehow attacking the attackers. When in fact Wilke is spouting out and acting the very same way she try’s to accuse unschooled of doing.
In my opinion Wilke wrote a very poor article, and this was a great rebuttle!
I have also heard before as Wilke states that unschooling parents use their own past as a factor in deciding how to raise their kids… This is a redundant argument as every parent, be it unschooled or old schooled, who has made a decision about how to raise their kids has taken their own past into consideration when making those choices. It would seem Truely careless to allow your kids to just flow through a government system without knowing more about it, and your own experience is your primary source of data!
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Thank you Lainie, you communicate my feelings so well. I think most of the negative responses to unschooling are from non-parents or parents that that don’t want spend the time with their children. The time it takes to introduce their children to the world. Society wants parents to warehouse our children in institutions so they can train to be mindless, unquestioning robots. After the free thinking generation of the ’60s “they” have done their best to discourage creative free thinking children. We give our children the opportunity to be responsible for their leaning and their lives.
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Couldn’t have said it better myself!
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Lainie:
Your very passionate “rebuttal” was brought to my attention by another reader and I wanted to honor your response with one of my own.
I understand proponents of a particular school of thought getting defensive when someone comes along and writes a piece that features one of their own and expresses an opinion that’s critical. It’s human nature.
But I don’t understood why members of any movement that embraces alternative thinking – a group, philosophy, religion, club, etc. – rely on defensiveness as a first response rather than understanding that any alternative thinking might need a more nuanced presentation for those outside the group to understand it better, even if they maintain their disagreement. That’s human nature too.
But perhaps you could get beyond your initial rancor to look at the way you, yourself, structured your rebuttal. You attack me for “bashing,” for “judgment”; for featuring one part of the Martin’s article with Friday and not others, but you seem unwilling to look at what Dayna Martin herself presented of her philosophy and her parenting techniques that painted a pretty extreme version of the education method you espouse. Either she was grievously misquoted by Friday, or she featured the most controversial and sensational aspects of how the “unschooling” philosophy is implemented in her home.
Yes, I’m an opinion writer; I use satire, humor, sometimes even sarcasm to make my points and I can see where that might annoy someone who takes very personally the criticism of something they believe in. But let’s get beyond what you’re defending and what I’m reacting to and look at the source material I used and the statements made by Dayna that inspired my reaction:
1. The title: “I let my children do whatever they want.” Is this a mandate of unschooling in general or just Dayna’s philosophy?
2. “They can have ice cream for breakfast and go to bed at 4am if they want.” Again, unschooling or Martin’s parenting choice?
3. “No chores.” Is there something wrong with chores? Is this unschooling?
4. “We wouldn’t tell them what to do, but left them to make their own decisions.” So no parental supervision or guidance? Unschooling?
And so on. Are we discussing an educational philosophy or the Martin’s particular style of parenting? From the article it’s hard to separate the two. As an unschooling parent, perhaps you parent very differently than the Martin’s, but given that I was addressing the Friday article and what they conveyed in that piece, my opinion was based on that.
Is it possible for you and others who subscribe to unschooling to see that this list (along with Dayna’s other comments), might strike those not in the movement as extreme version of parenting rather than a method of education? Are there unschoolers who don’t have a problem with chores or getting kids to bed or not letting a 13-year-old come and go as he pleases? Have the Martin’s parenting choices conflated with the general philosophy of unschooling, leaving those who read the Friday piece to take away the same things I did?
As I made clear in my piece, I’m actually not making judgment about how all this will work out for the Martins. Frankly, my life experience has taught me that great kids come out of any variety of parenting and schooling methods and I have no doubt many fabulous kids have come out of unschooling. Frankly, I’m a fan of inventive, innovative, unconventional schooling – certainly much of conventional schooling leaves a lot to be desired – but it seems to me the article the Martin’s participated in promoted less an educational technique and more a rather extreme version of parenting.
My daughter is a passionate, involved and very successful teacher who has mentored and had a hand in the education of many children for whom she’s become an unforgettable influence. My son is a college student who went through the public school system and evolved into a young man who is bright, compassionate, and extraordinarily creative and successful, running his own web design business since he was in high school. So open minds can allow that all kinds of methods of parenting and schooling can have their successes. If unschooling works for you, for others, for the Martins, I applaud the positive results. As I do the parents deeply involved in other forms of education.
Beyond that, perhaps we’ll have to agree to disagree. I do wish you and your son all the best. Sounds like you’re having quite the adventure!
Lorraine
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 5th, 2012 at 7:50 am
Lorraine,
Defensiveness comes from you writing an article titled “unschooling or UNparenting”. You didn’t choose to write an article in which you ask honest, thought-provoking questions. If someone wrote an article that picked apart your parenting, would you feel motivated to write a peaceful, welcoming response?
On the other hand, if your original article was written much like your response above, I am willing to bet you would have received genuine responses to your questions. You did not write an article asking questions to better understand the one article you read. Instead it was very closed-minded and critical.
I am wondering if the purpose of your article is to evaluate and critique this one individual family or is it to evaluate and critique the unschooling movement that also supports parenting choices such as the Martins write about. If the former was your intention, I question why you would pick on one family and choose to write an article about them. I can surely find many references to one family that is different that I could write about but it would hardly make it worthwhile or interesting. If your objective was to discuss the unschooling movement as a whole, in particular the rearing aspect outside of education, then I am wondering how you can, as a journalist, qualify your article with one resource? My professors would have returned this article to me with a warning to back up my story with research and multiple resources. It’s true that some people will read some random article and say, “wow, that’s crazy” based on something they read. Sad, but true.
I really wish those writing articles that the public reads would be more responsible. It’s not always easy going against the grain and most of us unschoolers understand it is a difficult concept to grasp. The problem is that most naysayers do not take the time to understand because they don’t want to. I used to be a naysayer, but I did do the research and am so happy I did. But I certainly don’t judge you or other parents for choosing the traditional route (though I could write an article on your wording “conventional wisdom”).
For what it’s worth, at age 3 my son knew when it was time to go to bed. Hmmm, I’m tired, what ever shall I do? Up until the last century or so, kids did regulate their own needs and some cultures still do. It’s when we start putting artificial boundaries on a child that they become resistant. Happy that our household doesn’t have any of those parenting struggles.
[Reply]
Leah Reply:
December 5th, 2012 at 8:40 am
“Either she was grievously misquoted by Friday, or she featured the most controversial and sensational aspects of how the “unschooling” philosophy is implemented in her home.”
No question, the original article was completely ‘controversial and sensational.’ It was published in a lifestyle magazine for expats living in Dubai and had a blatant, “check out these crazy Americans!” tone. While reading it I was joking with my husband about how if every sentence was rewritten to minimize the shock factor, it would be a significantly more accurate portrayal of unschooling, but a much more boring one. Who wants to read an article titled, “I support and encourage all my children’s interests?”
It does all make me wonder, though, what the Martins’ intentions were. After several years of making themselves the public face of unschooling, I imagine them to be media-savvy enough to know how that article would come across. Do they believe any publicity for unschooling is good publicity? More shock value certainly means more readers having their curiousity sparked… Is this meant to be the first step of discovery for potential future unschooling parents? But it must make life harder for current unschooling families if this is what people imagine their lives to be like.
[Reply]
Dayna Reply:
December 5th, 2012 at 11:43 am
Hi Leah, I wanted to comment on something you wrote:
“It does all make me wonder, though, what the Martins’ intentions were. After several years of making themselves the public face of unschooling, I imagine them to be media-savvy enough to know how that article would come across.”
I get contacted regularly for interviews about Unschooling. I spent over 2 hours of my time being interviewed by this women from Friday Magazine who I gave very detailed information about Radical Unschooling philosophy to. I shared about natural learning and living by principles instead of rules. I shared the mundane and the radical aspects of our lives. The interview was fun and light and the woman seemed very supportive of our lives and extremely interested.
We corresponded for weeks on and off. She called me asking many questions, and I responded graciously and honestly to what she was asking about Unschooling, as I always do.
In the end, SHE chose to only share the sensationalized information about our lives. This sometimes happens, and I know that it is all a process and the people attracted to this life will go on to learn more.
We are always happy to share about RU philosophy and sometimes articles and interviews come off more extreme than others depending upon the agenda or the writer. To assume that I only gave her extreme or sensationalized information is inaccurate. I was clear and honest and in the end, I know that I have no control of the finished product.
Thanks for posting, Dayna
[Reply]
Nancy Sathre-Vogel Reply:
December 5th, 2012 at 11:27 am
Can I just say that I can’t stand the vast majority of portrayals of unschooling? I hate, hate, hate how many unschoolers say, “My kids do whatever they want!” and I hate how critics say, “Their kids can do whatever they want!”
Truth be told, both sides of the argument are wrong. Unschooling parents DO guide and nurture their children. They DO “teach” them, even though they are loathe to say it. They have structure in their lives and parents take them to museums and buy them educational materials and encourage them to learn about a wide variety of things. For some reason, those parents are hesitant to admit their own role in their children’s learning.
On the other hand, those opposed to unschooling like to create dreadful scenarios like eating ice cream for dinner and playing video games 24/7.
I think a HUGE part of the controversy is based around the name itself. The word UNSCHOOLING gives the impression of UN-EDUCATING and we, as humans, are more than willing to jump to whatever conclusions that name brings to mind.
My husband and I are both long-term schoolteachers who are now homeschooling our children. Although I won’t claim to be an unschooler because I think the term is so misleading, truth be told, we are.
Our twin sons are nearly 15 and they have complete control over the reigns of their education. We support them in their decisions. So what have these two teens chosen to do?
They are taking advanced math and science classes through a special program through the public schools here. At age 14, one son is taking AP Calculus, AP Physics, and Chemistry. The other son is taking Research, Chemistry, and Algebra 2.
They are also involved with a robotics club, learning all the ins and outs of how to build robots. Last year, their team built one that shoots basketballs. They will get this year’s challenge on January 5. Together with their team, they will design, build, and program a robot, then take it to competition.
My sons are also involved in Boy Scouts, doing all that Boy Scouts involve.
Lastly, they have each chosen a sport to pursue – one runs with the cross country and track teams through the local schools and the other is on the swim team through our local YMCA.
They have chosen all of that. They keep track of it, they do what they need to do. They ask me to take them to the grocery store to get food for campouts or to the office supply store for materials for class projects. We never – ever – have to remind them to do their homework. They know what time they need to get up in the morning in order to get to their classes, so they set their own bedtime accordingly.
They are expected to help out around the house and regularly do the dishes and walk the dogs.
They do it all because they want to and they know they are expected to. We don’t harp on them or beg them or threaten them. I suppose many would call us “unschoolers” but I don’t. I choose to say that we are simply encouraging and supporting our sons as they pursue their passion and follow their dream. and that is what parenthood should be all about.
[Reply]
Fantastic job Lainie!! Does Wilke’s have children? That is the first question I have and I don’t remember reading it in this passage…. and for the record, Lainie’s response was not defensive. It was simply a freedom of speech piece defending Wilke’s one sided piece of writing!!
I think Wilke’s she should have furthered her research about unschooling parents instead of creating an opinion based on a less than handfull of families. I too believe she created a bias against parents whom choose to unschool.
I love this grouping of words “engaged family”. This is something that is so important with any family regardless of wether the children attend public, private, home or no school at all.
Kevin Green: Can I double like your comment!!??
for the record…. my children do not currently unschool nor do they homeschool but let me tell you, I cannot wait for the opportunity! I think Wilke’s should write and article about the core curriculum in public schools and interview parents views about the major changes that are going on in our public schools and why parents and kids want out!!!
…..just sayin
[Reply]
Rock on. Thank you for writing this. I responded to the Huffington Post article too; found it abhorrent. Parenting with acceptance of full responsibility of a child’s education, bearing in mind that the point of education (when one removes a child from that test-taking-for-funding-purposes-public-school-environment) is to prepare the child for life and set a well-rounded, informative foundation from which he or she can launch his or her successes and joys in adulthood, is a MASSIVE undertaking and a tremendous (privileged) responsibility. Huge. All-consuming. Trips, adventures, travels, hands-on learning – well, you know, you travel. (*grin*) So the idea that the criticism of the Martins in that horridly-biased piece trashing unschooling/homeschooling like that (because despite the differences there are giant similarities too) begged for pointed, specific correction. I think parents should know their rights to choose between schooling options for kids; and for those who can or would prefer to keep children out of school, best wishes and blessings with them – its not easy but its the most rewarding job ever, and a heck of a lot of fun.
[Reply]
I will say that we are unschoolers who DO have kids that go to sleep at reasonable times and who DO have kids who do chores. My son is 14 and wants a tattoo……um, sorry, yes he can do whatever he wants with his hair, his clothes, or things like that, but something so permanent? Not till he’s older. And for anyone to tell me “Well, that’s not unschooling”, I will say “Well, you aren’t my boys’ parents, are you? I have the freedom to parent the way I want, and the freedom to unschool the way I want.”
We all have to also understand that Dayna’s family is VERY public and she will get backlash for it, as will anyone else who chooses that life. And getting defensive only makes us look worse. Dayna can get defensive, she was the one who was attacked. But the rest of us? Maybe if we ignored it and just went on to portray what we love about our lives instead, maybe all of these “haters” would get bored with it and move on? Its not Dayna’s fault she was attacked either, the blame lies in both the attacker’s and the article writer’s laps.
AND let me make something to clear to Wilke and other readers: there is unschooling and RADICAL unschooling: Dayna is a radical unschooler. Not ALL unschoolers are radical. I am so tired of people making the assumption that all unschoolers live with no boundaries in all areas of their lives. That is scaring away possible future unschoolers thinking they have to live their entire life like that rather than just the education aspect of it.
I am more than an unschooler, less than a radical one. I am in-between. And there’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s nothing wrong with Dayna’s lifestyle (which is not 100% for me or my family) or anybody else’s. I have been known on my own blog to write about people in the RU movement I don’t agree with, but its my way of working out what I believe in and what I don’t believe in. Maybe it was the same for this author as well? There is a reason behind every action, before we all fly off the handle defending what’s being attacked, maybe think first “Why are they attacking? There has to be a reason.”
Just my 2 cents
[Reply]
Mani Reply:
March 14th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
Jamie where is your blog? I feel the same as you and feel like it is difficult to find online people and resources which resonate with how I am raising my children.
One thing that I feel like few people understand is that just because you don’t “force” kids to go to bed or do chores or whatever else, it doesn’t mean that they don’t do them. I encourage my (almost) teenage son to go to bed at a time that I know will serve his energy well the next day, to shower, to eat tasty and healthy food, to help with his little brother, to help keep our home clean, to help grocery shop and cook and a myriad of other helpful things. Yet I don’t have “chores.”
Though I don’t say, “You have to empty the dishwasher now,” I might say, “Sweetie do you think you can take a break from what you’re doing and help me empty the dishwasher?” Nine times out of ten he’ll say, “Sure.” Occasionally he might say, “I’m right in the middle of something … can I do it in a few minutes when I’m done?” And of course I say, “Sure.” There is never a power struggle over it. He never refuses to do anything I ask him kindly to do!
That’s the thing – when you live in respectful harmony with your kids they want to help you and they want to take good care of themselves as well. I do not consider myself a radical unschooler because I do believe in guiding my child towards healthy decisions more than just letting them figure things more out on their own, and I also lean towards wanting to see certain levels of productivity and meaningful exploration from my children (and yes, I do sometimes make judgement calls on what is meaningful, which is WAY outside the radical viewpoint). But at the same time, I never feel that I have to “force” these things. Instead of saying to my son, “Are you just going to play that video game all day long?” I might ask, “Do you have anything you’re hoping to get done today? Is there anything I can help you with?” That alone is usually enough to gently direct him towards one of his other pursuits (currently those include working on a novel, exploring organic farming, learning to code, painting and sketching, watching TedTalks, trying to connect with other unschooled teenagers, etc).
So just because we don’t have “chores” it doesn’t mean that our children don’t help around the house. My older son helps more than any other schooled child I know. And he does it willingly and happily. I guess maybe it’s hard for some people to imagine?
[Reply]
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Miro & Lainie (mother 46 and 13 year old son) share their adventures from the Road of Life, discussing issues of humanity, global citizenship, unschooling, slow travel, family travel, volunteering, travel inspiration & living in the moment as they explore the big beautiful planet, they call home.
Three and half years, 12 countries and many personal changes later, Lainie & Miro continue to slow travel around the globe, living an inspired possession-free-lifestyle, volunteering and learning naturally. They are following their interests on the road, as the planet has been transformed into their classroom. Often you will hear Lainie say “we are blessed to be accidental unschoolers” and has become and an advocate for “life learning” at any age. Lainie & Miro describe their greatest accomplishment as the ability to participate in the world without fear.Connect with Us!
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