Independent. Woman. Wonder Mom. Super-Woman. Sometimes Lonely.

Independent. Woman. Wonder Mom. Super-Woman. Sometimes Lonely.
August 27, 2012 Lainie Liberti

I am a strong independent woman.

I am a super mom.

I do not need a man to take care of me.

Anything a man can do, I can do equal and in some cases even better.

A man does not, nor will ever complete me.

I enjoy being single, free and independent.

 

Ok, I’m done with the bullshit.

 

If you’d like to read a female empowerment story, stop reading now. If you like the idea that I am a power house of strength, a wizard of courage, a happy-by-myself kinda gal, I implore you, click away from this page NOW.

Still here?

My guard is down, and my heart is heavy today. Today I am lonely.

At times I wish I was all of those things stated above. And at times, I am. But not always. At times, I feel vulnerable and terribly, terribly lonely.

At times I would trade all that I have experienced, all that I have seen for a pair of strong arms to wrap around me, my coat of armor, my shield of protection.

A man.

A man who is all that I am not and balances my world. And at times, when I do feel alone, I feel his absence more. And feeling lonely is sometimes painful, and shreds my very presence.

Sometimes. But not always.

But sometimes his absence is felt. But with my lifestyle, my passions, my son, my dreams, is there really room for him? I don’t have the answer, but I wonder if something has to give? Is he there around the corner, wondering where I am?

I don’t know.

I feel from the depths of my heart, my inner most desire, I want him to enter my life. I invite his love and ease into the balance and strength. And for now, I am my own balance, strength, love, support, independence, woman, man, all that I want, all that I am.

I have to be.

And I am.

But not always. But sometimes I am.

Yes, I’m stating it here. I’m not those things I appear to be… always. And as I type these words, I am afraid you will change the idea you might have of me.

But what of that strong independent woman you appear to be, starting down your fears, prancing around the globe, caring and guiding your son, stepping into the unknown? Aren’t you that woman?

Um, yes. I guess I am.

I am strong. Yes, because I am a mom. That’s what we do. We solve problems, we find solutions at whatever the cost, we guide, we rely on our skills to survive, we are there for our kid(s) and many times we don’t know what the heck we are doing. We are strong because we have to.

I am independent because I am single. I have been in some amazing loving relationships in my life, but here we are once again, without a partner, without a man to lean on… and I am middle age. And I am moving through life one day at a time. And some of those days, I am lonely.

32 Comments

  1. Laurel 7 years ago

    Lainie, You really hit home on this one for me. Thank you for being so open with your feelings… it’s a way for us all to feel like we are ok. As a single mom of three kiddos, fighting against all odds to make it through, I get it. You’re right, as moms, we have no choice. We fight and push through because that is just what we do. Alone or not. I will be 40 on Saturday… wondering what kind of loneliness or fulfillment that will bring.

    Sending gratitude from Giglio Island, Italy,
    Laurel

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      I am so honored we share many of the same feelings. Happy birthday Laurel! I hope you are having an incredible adventure on your 40th. It only gets better from here! So much love and light your way. Thank you so much, for the kind words.

  2. Talon 7 years ago

    I love how authentic you are and how you aren’t afraid to let others see into your world. Thank you for sharing yourself during such a raw moment.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Talon,
      Thank you much as always for you kind words. I have so much gratitude and appreciation you are in my life. So much love to you!

  3. Melissa 7 years ago

    Lainie, I think, sometimes, we must share a brain. Yes, thank you for sharing. Selfishly, it’s nice to know I’m not the only single mom out there who sometimes yearns for a partner. I think it would be abnormal not to occasionally feel lonely, to want someone there to share the joys/pains of raising a child, to share our unconventional, wonderful lives. I tend to feel a little better about it when I remind myself of all of the things I love about being single… Not having to justify my decisions to anyone besides my kid, not having to pretend I’m not PMSing when I just feel my inner bitch coming on, reading for hours and hours late into the night without being bothered, etc… The pros and cons are rather balanced, aren’t they! Gir-r-r-rl, if I were there I’d take you out for a few glasses of wine and commiserate about relationships and love. I think we’d both be laughing in no time. Give yourself some extra love today and some TLC. Again, thanks for the post. I get it. I really, really do, and I appreciate you sharing.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Melissa,
      Yes!! I know you get it. Thank you for your wonderful comments! Agreed.
      Let’s please make that happen, the couple glasses of wine, the hugs, the conversation. I know you are my soul sister.

  4. Heather 7 years ago

    Thanks for being so open, honest and vulnerable in this post. *hug*

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Thanks Heather! Hugs accepted!

  5. Violeta 7 years ago

    I am sure a pair of strong arms are just around the corner, waiting to be wrapped around you and able to protect, support, love, and entertain you. Wishing you luck seeing just the right arms for you.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Are you sure Violeta? I’ll accept that. I’ll be sure to tell you when they arrive! Thank you so much for the comment. Sending much love your way!

  6. leoanna24 7 years ago

    Your honesty is refreshing.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Thank you so much Leoanna!

  7. Joy 7 years ago

    Lainie, I have similar feelings, I feel like I am a SuperMom, and SuperWoman, but I also get lonely at times… I feel strong and independent too, so basically, it was great to read what you wrote… It’s funny because my sons asked, “Do you think you will meet a guy to date while we travel?”, I truthfully say, “I don’t know.”… sometimes I hope I do, and sometimes I like things the way they are…. well, again, I enjoyed the post, especially since it’s very close to how I feel, so thanks…

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Joy, we are in such a similar situation, somehow that makes our connection stronger. So there you go, SuperMoms unite! Much love to you on your travels.

  8. Elli 7 years ago

    Hola Lainie 🙂 I feel the same way and I don’t even have a son… I do think that as we seek balance we come to that “awareness” of what we are missing. We will always seek protection and..affection! We can’t live without love..I think until our ideal person shows up we just have to stay focused on the good things in life, whatever is good.
    If our heart is so into the positive, the man we “need” we’ll also have to go into the positive things in order to find our heart and I believe we all women want a good man (positive influence) not just whatever company . I could be wrong but I still wanted to share my pov with you 🙂

    Greets to Miro 🙂

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Thank you Elli! I appreciate your words. I absolutely don’t just want a warm body for the sake of having a person there. I prefer my beautiful lifestyle which is complete. Just sometimes… just sometimes… Well, in the meantime, smile on my face and moving with joy through my life.

  9. I love that there is strength in your revelation of vulnerability. I can empathize, as I was a single, divorced dad for 5 years before I met Mary. It wasn’t until I relinquished my will to the Universe that I finally met the woman of my dreams. Love finds a way. Love this post!

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Such a great reminder Bret, ‘relinquishing my will to the Universe’ is what I shall do. Thank you for your words!

  10. Jen 7 years ago

    Lainie,
    You. Nailed. This.

    It is so hard to explain this to people. Sometimes they just don’t get that through all of the strength, you are still a human being who needs a a man once in a while.
    While I may not be traveling all of the place with Alex, I can relate to you on many things, and this is just one more.
    Thank you for sharing with us all.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Thank you Jen. Agreed, single parents have to be a rock, a provider, both mom & dad, and at times, we, as the caretaker want to be taken care of too.

  11. Lynn 7 years ago

    Everyone thinks I’m the toughest woman they know living in the mountains on a farm in Northern California. I’m looking at the four cords of wood that needs to be stacked right now. I can totally identify with your story. I’m feeling the exact same way. I was/am having a bad day when I came across your post. I think we all have these days once in awhile and feel a little overwhelmed. Thank you for sharing and I admire you so. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully things will be brighter.

    • Author
      ilainie 7 years ago

      Thank you Lynn for the comment. Wow, somehow strength has been translated into being single. In the same regards, some how it implies if you are have a partner, you are not strong. Ugh, it’s not a win/ win perception. I’m focusing on shifting that perception within me and perhaps it’ll open up space for those strong arms to enter into my life.. Hope your day is brightening up. I so appreciate you taking time to comment here.

    • Robert Cymbala 7 years ago

      I’m thinking of couch surfing in northern California this Oct. 21-27 … please contact me with any leads.

      • kashdoller 6 years ago

        I don’t know about the rest of you but Robert’s comment made MY god damn night!

  12. stefan 7 years ago

    A wee little condor birdie tells me you may not be lonely for long…

  13. Lillian 7 years ago

    Loneliness is a plague that can cause u to believe in the fairy tale of strong knights in shining armor who do not exist. Real men all want u to be their mommy and take care of every need they have….. They never really want to take care of u….I am not bitter, and I am not making this up…. Life with men has taught me these truths.

    • Author
      Lainie Liberti 7 years ago

      Lillian, thank you for the comment. I have gotta to believe that is not the case across the board. I hope there is an amazing man out there who has worked through his issues and will cross my path. I gotta believe it’s possible.

    • kashdoller 6 years ago

      Lillian-If you weren’t bitter, then you wouldn’t feel the need to say you weren’t bitter. There are many different types of people in this world. I’ve learned to find women like you who generalize all men to be lower than yourself usually had crappy fathers (or no father). But that’s just in my experience.

      You know what else life has taught me? Sometimes we attract a certain type of people for many different reasons. You may have to take a serious look in the mirror and ask yourself this: Is it them….. or is it -you-?

      Taking and accepting responsibility for your own actions and accountability of your own life instead of blaming others is the only way to get over that hurdle. Again this is my opinion, take it or leave it.

      On a personal note I think making such an insolent comment like yours on this blog (which is clearly centered on a mom raising a -boy-) to be rather distasteful. But I was never one for censorship so to each their own.

      By the way if you’re looking for a knight in shining armor you’ll never find one because that style went out of fad about 1000 years ago. Maybe you’ll find one in a circus or a carnival. And even if you could go back in time 1000 years and score an actual real knight in shining armor, you may find yourself yearning much more for the guy in the jeans and tshirt from the year 2013. My guess is you’d learn that men are men regardless of what outfit they have on and what era they happen to exist in. Same goes for women, or anyone really. I doubt we’ve changed that much in such a short time. Socially conditioned – yes. But people – just the same.

      Lainie – hi.

  14. Scott Hartman 6 years ago

    Lainie . . . I have such a reverence for mothers . . . truly a position that I will never fully understand – that relationship of a mother to a child (and, as a single man, will never know).

    But, as I’ve lived much of my life alone, I do find times when I am . . . I don’t know if it’s “lonely” per se, I guess I tend to group it a file called “Yin/Yang”. Life is that way for me; some brighter parts, some less bright. When I myself get into a less-bright part, I start trying to identify the source. I look for things that perhaps I don’t have in my life, relationship for me being one of them. I’ll often try to attach this particular emotion to one of those things not-present in my life. But, for me, more often than not, it turns out not to be that thing I imagined . . . just more of an existential-hiccup . . . I’ve been pretty self-contained for over thirty years, and know of people in relationship who have these same moments . . . I tend to think they just come with the territory . . . Life that is 🙂 Peace to You, Lainie 🙂

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